Reflecting on my Imposter Syndrome at my first Miss Florida USA
I made it my resolution in this new chapter of my life to be my real, authentic self. In this way, I hope to stop seeking validation from people I barely know and questioning my worth based on those opinions. So this is for those times I bit my tongue while preparing to compete for Miss Florida USA last year.
The Miss USA system is one of the most highly competitive programs in the country. Disregard pageants altogether, but every pageant girl’s favorite statistic is “it’s harder for a girl to compete at Miss USA then it is for a guy to play in the Superbowl.” The state pageants alone are hardcore. Few things I would find more competitive than Miss USA is becoming a doctor or getting into a Top 5 Ivy League school.
This makes it all the more intimidating, while all the more desirable. You might fall off your chair when you see the state pageant’s entry fee is $2000, but you convince yourself it is a return on investment because it is the most coveted state title and most respected pageant system.
You see gorgeous, smart, and successful women compete year after year to never win but be so close to the crown. Women who are even inclined to move to a less competitive state in pursuit to get on the Miss USA stage. Who can blame them? When I was exploring graduate school options and planning them on a spreadsheet, I actually had a column for which states had less competitive Miss USA and Miss America pageants.
As you prepare, your social media either becomes ghostly silent until a week before the pageant with the official announcement or covered with posts about your latest appearance and #girlboss quotes. Simultaneously, you are stalking other frequent competitors to see if they are going to return to the stage. You may compete with so many girls, you won’t even meet the majority of them within the time you compete.
You know that all the women who have placed have dream bodies, and you have to focus on working out and eating clean to get there. You make time for the gym because you now have a goal and you give up on the desserts because it will take away your hard work. While I was physically in a better place regarding my vegetable intake and reduced need for sugary foods, I was mentally a mess. I once broke down in tears because the salad I ordered ended up having fried scallops.
You smile at every person you meet and make sure everything is perfect. Your hair, tan, teeth, makeup, posture, needs to be on point. You practice your walk backstage and take deep breaths trying to calm down and tighten your core so you flex in swimsuit.
It takes someone with the right head space to go into their state Miss USA competition. Throughout that weekend, there were several girls that approached me and told me they thought I would make the Top 20. In truth, I thought I would too. I wrote the questions down of all the Teens On Stage Questions and went through answers in my head. I took a semester off from school and work to travel, giving me all of that time to prepare for the most competitive pageant I ever did.
When I didn’t hear my name called, I went backstage, ate the cookie saved in my lunchbox, and watched the pageant from the audience. My ex (boyfriend at the time) tried to be affectionate but I wouldn’t allow it because the rules stated no PDA throughout the competition. After the pageant was over, I thought about everything I did wrong and how I should’ve done better. I had to practice looking prettier, walking sexier, and act less like a teenager.
Of course I wished I was in the top 20, but I knew my placement didn’t make me any less qualified than I already was. I love the ambitious, nerdy, volunteering, over-smiley aspects of me. And I know moreso, whatever opportunity comes my way, whether I become Miss Florida USA or not, I will take full advantage of it to become a better person, live a more fulfilling life, and create a larger impact in my world and community.
So what am I doing now? I will be competing in one of my favorite pageant systems to date, Miss Eco U.S. I competed in that pageant three years ago as Miss Earth Florida (basically the most ideal title for me) and even though I held the US Miss Earth Eco element / runner up title, it opened up the biggest door for me I could ask for. I was able to represent the USA overseas at an international beauty pageant. It was a dream come true. It lead to me competing in several other international pageants where I explored amazing places and met some of my closest friends around the world. My little sister became Miss Pre-Teen Earth Florida two years ago and my mother was Mrs. Eco Florida last year. It was through this system even my mother got to represent the USA twice, and I’m so blessed to see she was able to have the same once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I had. My goal is to be the U.S. Miss United Continents and compete in Guayaqil, Ecuador.
But to all the girls I’m seeing compete and prepare for their state Miss USA pageant, I want to wish you the best of luck. You are all so amazing, and so deserving of the title, and I’m not trying to say that because of social obligation. It takes so much courage to get up there and I know for all my pageant friends they didn’t just decide to compete and just wing it. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. I understand you’ve worked so hard to get to this point, which will make it all the better because pageants are about the journey, and not the destination.
This post was originally from misselizabethtran.wordpress.com and transferred over to Lashes and Sashes
